Oh I see…the problem is the male ego (sorry it took me so long)


Men need to dismantle their male egos in order to find love and happiness

My hitherto dense brain, situated as it is in a male noggin, recently had a small spark of realization.

This spark, like most things in my life that usher in greater love and liberation, was made possible due to my warrior-goddess of a partner.

During conversations where I think I’ve had some great liberatory insight, I usually proceed to go on and on about it with her, asking questions without waiting for answers, following which she (with monumental levels of patience, as you can see) gives me a beautiful one or two sentence response that shows she had this insight all along in much clearer and more precise ways than I ever could muster.

We often talk a lot about fighting oppression and the myriad struggles humanity wages for liberation. She’s the greatest organizer and social justice fighter I have ever known (and I’ve run with some great ones, let me tell you). Among the topics of conversation that’s always buzzing around between us is that of gender liberation, fighting patriarchy and sexism, dismantling colonialism and racism etc.

During one such conversation recently, I was sitting next to her in our bedroom talking her ear off. With much excessive verbosity and no small degree of irony, I rambled on about how my life was happier the more I listened to her and other women in my community and family. This is keeping in line with, both, my big yap and what I truly believe to be a self-evident truth around the greater intelligence, emotional resiliency, and soulfulness of women and trans people.

But added to this infantile insight was a slightly higher, toddler-like insight that centred around how it was important for me as a man to take less space, make conscious efforts to step back, do grunt work without claiming it, and learn from my mistakes because it liberated me and made me happier.

Now, I’ve known this a long time, but barring some superficial steps over the years that helped boost my ego as one of those so-called feminist men who “gets it” I didn’t really make any efforts to change the underlying rot of masculinity and sexism.

It was only when I observed how genuinely bumbling through all of that actually liberated me and made me happier, that it started to make so much sense.

So, once I belabored on all this to Sus, she responded with a very simple sentence:

“Sri, it sounds like what you’re talking about is that men need to dismantle their male egos in order to find love and happiness in their lives.”

(Ding, ding, ding!)

She then went back to quietly getting her work done, fighting for humanity, growing our child in her womb, and essentially being a far superior human being to me, which seems to come so naturally to the women in my life.

I, having taxed my limited mental and emotional capacities, proceeded to watch an episode or two of Futurama while scratching myself.

Yes indeed – yet another moment in the endless, multi-millienium cycle of evidence pointing to the inviolable fact that humanity’s only hope resides with women.

More insightful knowledge. Greater emotional resiliency. Superior soulfulness.

It bears repeating a million times over and a million times more.

So, it is with a jolly good dollop of laughably rudimentary realization that I commit body, mind, and soul to the destruction of my masculinity and this painful source of cowardice and angst known as the male ego.

I look forward to even greater happiness, love and freedom.

Thank you Sus. Also, thank you Amma, Pratima Aunty, Ammamma, Seems, Anu, Nits, Sue, Nits Bits, Jess, Heidi and all the other warrior-goddesses in my life, including those whom I might not be able to name in this post. Thanks a million times over.

How I got so lucky (and how you put up with me for so long), I have no idea.

But know that this post is for my accountability and no one else’s.

And I have a lot of work to do.


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