I have always found the men in my life running scared from real love.
It doesn’t surprise me any longer. After all men offer a mirror to my soul (while women liberate it), and that mirror always shows me what insecure, egomaniacal creatures we men are – an insecurity and egomania that is ultimately a death knell for real love.
Real love requires a commitment to fight for the liberation of our loved ones with the same intensity we fight for our own. Men in general have no problem doing the latter, but ever since the advent of agriculture, patriarchy, and mass inequality many thousands of years back, we seem to have steadily declined in the former.
All the men I’ve engaged with, myself included, have fallen short when it comes to real love. Men are scared of giving too much of themselves, scared of being vulnerable, scared of letting go of that infernal male ego. And we are scared of that truly liberating life-force known as love.
Men who occupy positions of racial or ethnic power in any society are particularly sick in this regard. Because they’re also scared to let go of their unearned power and privilege.
Men think love is limited, when it is boundless if we allow ourselves to realize its true potential.
Men think love automatically means sacrifice, when it is a blissful happiness like no other if we only let go of our masculinity and chauvinism.
Men think love is best provided by control and authority, when it is only via the destruction of our sick egos that we find true love.
This includes the so-called feminist men, the progressive men, the men who supposedly believe in gender equality.
(Yeah, I ran with tons of them across many continents, and they all were scared shitless of true love.)
But I haven’t given up hope.
Because I know there was a time when men were truly loving, egalitarian, and non-violent. Before mass inequality, before despicably misogynistic religions, before the soulless devastation of the earth, before psychopathic global systems like colonialism and capitalism.
There was a time when love and egalitarianism wasn’t some kind of utopian ideal, but organically realized in our communities because we needed it for survival.
And that’s the part I think men (and those few women who behave like men, it should be added) don’t get, or at least not yet.
The reason humanity survived wasn’t because of patriarchy; it wasn’t because of war; it wasn’t because of control and authority.
It was because of love.
Love where we had each other’s back, relied on each other, shared and shared alike, and fought for each other. Without violence and abuse, where no set of humans had power or domination over another set of souls, human or non-human.
I’m sure there are many men out there who will bristle at the title of this article. Those who accuse me of romanticism or idealism or male self-hatred (what is there not to hate? it’s liberating, let me tell you) – I am of the firm conviction that the only way humanity is going to survive this gargantuan mess we find ourselves in is with love.
So I’m going to fight for this love.
With the guidance and wisdom of the brilliant warrior-goddesses in my life, starting with the greatest human being on earth, my divine partner, Sus.
I’m going to do all I can to defeat the sickness in my soul and that of the other men in my life, and I’m not going to give up on us no matter how dickish we get.
How can I?
For better or worse, men aren’t going anywhere.
Our only choice is to heal together and take that scary, but liberating, leap of faith towards real love.
Either that, or the men of this age can perish in ignominy.
I’d rather die fighting for love, wouldn’t you?